Κυριακή, 8 Απριλίου 2018

A patient.

The words
They don’t come anymore
I’m empty
An empty vessel of anxiety and nerves
A victim to my own disease
When did I become this
Where is myself
I thought I had found it
Every little step
Every little change
A tug on my heart
A punch
My pulse racing
My whole being rejecting it
I want love
but then I don’t
I want to live my life
But then I don’t
I want to want
And then I don’t
When did I become a patient?
My room a hospital room keeping me safe
And yet
Confining me in a prison of my own creation
I want to go out
I want to feel comfortable
I want to feel me
I want to be free
I want to
Just be.
That’s it
All I’ve ever wanted
All I’ve ever wanted to be
Is me.

Vagg. (Evangelia Glezou)

Παρασκευή, 2 Φεβρουαρίου 2018

It's been a while... but all is still the same.

Future lover, future me

Sorry to my unknown lover
Sorry that I can’t believe
That anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me
I feel empty again
As if no love can touch me anywhere
To those I disappoint each day
I’m sorry
Thanks for trying
But love to me is a difficult feat
A feat I almost can’t achieve
How many times have I loved, I wonder
I’ve loved an E, another E, a K, an S, an I, an S and now
No letter to accompany my own E
I have felt no true desire to be touched
To be loved
To feel anything at all
Why is love so rare for me
When to other it comes so easily
So naturally
I want to love
But I cannot
Before the bond of heart commences a different one must first occur
But that bond is practically impossible
No life could touch me like that now
How many times has my love been thrown in my face
How many has it come true
The answers are all and none
Why can’t I for once in my life love
Feel that intimacy that bounds our beings
Our humanity
I used to wonder if I was so dead on the inside
No death or kill would touch me
Would make feel guilt
Or pain
And yet I live
I exist
Someone will love me one day
But that feels so far away
As if it is in another plane
Another life
Another world
Someone will love me
But that someone isn’t me.

Evangelia Glezou (Vagg.)

Πέμπτη, 15 Σεπτεμβρίου 2016

愛のソナタ | Evagelia Glezou

It’s been so long…
I love you…
Still… I love you
My love has changed though
Seeing you feels daunting
Feels… potentially hurtful
I fear
Cause now that I love you…
I can’t just be your friend
I’ll always want more
So much more…
I miss you
I want to touch you
To kiss you
To hold you
To hug you and sleep away the night as we did back then
Back then in our summers of happiness
We now live in different worlds
And I’m too scared to visit yours
I can’t
The thought alone is menacing
I’m so lonely
So lonely I want to cry
I need human contact
I need to hug someone
But when I think about it
I only really want to hold you
Bury my face in your neck and bathe in your scent
But that’s impossible…
I know you
You don’t love me that way
… Nor will you ever
That’s ok
Like any other heartache, I’ll get past it
I’m in too deep now to turn back
If I see you
I know I’ll pretend that nothing’s changed
But it has…
I have…
It’ll make you happy
Maybe it’ll even momentarily make me happy too
But not for long
I’ve said my piece
I don’t need an answer
I just need you to see this
Because I know you miss me too
I know you want to see me too
But I just…
I can’t…
And I’m sorry

Evagelia Glezou(vagg)

Songs: Ed Seeran- Afire Love, In too deep- The sweeplings

Παρασκευή, 17 Ιουνίου 2016

Pass on by

I see your pictures on the wall
See your life go on
Go on without me
Does my absence hurt you
Do you even remember my name
Can you look into my eyes and just tell me
Tell me you don’t care about me anymore
Tell me you don’t care to see me
Tell me you’ve forgotten
Just tell me it’s over
Don’t let me hang on
Don’t let me care
Don’t let me care…
Since you don’t
I can’t bear seeing you both move on
Move on so easy
I’m sure it’s been hard for you too
But harder on me
For love to me is not a passer-by
When I love
When I take my time to know you
When I take time to care
I at least deserve to know that you don’t
‘cause seeing you so alive…
Seeing you so happy
Is only killing me further
Is only digging the knife deeper
Is only leaving me ever so lonely
Ever so alone
Ever in the dark

Evagelia Glezou (vagg) 

Κυριακή, 3 Απριλίου 2016

A light (A goodbye) - Piece by piece

A light
Bright and white
Oh so white
It blinds my soul and heals it from all the pain
It shines on all the darkness
And through it all
I feel it tremble
What was I supposed to do?
What’s worse, is that you don’t know what you’re doing
You don’t know, you’re doing what she did
You abandoned me
You didn’t mean to
You just did
Which is why it’s worse
I faded in your mind
I became but a whisper you’d only hear in your quitest moments
I’m deeply sorry
For, for you
I would die
Or at least I’d try
If it meant saving you
Because I love you
What kind of love that is…
I don’t know
But I won’t look much into it
For If I realize I love you,
I will die
I will go back to that moment
The one in which she ended things
The one in which she shut the door on me
The one in which I was devastated
In that moment
In which I shed my last tears of sadness
The one before the storm
A storm which may have passed now
A storm I fought to get through with teeth and nails
A storm that left me closed up
A storm that without you
Would still hold my heart captive
I don’t know who I’d be now without you
You saved me
But now I have to let you go
'Cause part of me knows I’ll never see you again
I never will
And it makes me want to cry every time I think about it  
But like then
The tears won’t roll down my cheeks
For I can’t cry
And unlike then
The walls I had
Are mostly down
Which is why it hurts more now than it did before
But I’m still happy
These thoughts
These emotions
Are but a whisper at the back of my head
You stopped trying
And I got tired of being stuck
Of always never letting go
Letting go
As I ought to
So goodbye
If you truly loved me
If you truly knew what you’ve done
You would know it
I don’t want excuses
I still love you
I always will
But I can’t torture myself anymore
I can’t feel pain every time I think about you
If you truly knew what you’ve done
You’d know
You’d know
But you don’t
I sigh at the thought
But this is goodbye
No longer will I be a fool
No longer will I be a masochist
Thank you for everything
But I can’t do this anymore
No excuses
If you want to save this
Really fix it
You’ll know what to do
And if you don’t that’s fine
But please
Remember me fondly
Think of me still
Even if once a year
Remember me and smile
My hands tremble as I type
The wind howls and the storm that is my heart
Goodbye Delilah

Ευαγγελία Γλέζου (vagg)

Piece by piece- Kelly Clarkson- Sam Tsui & Kirsten Collins Cover 

Τετάρτη, 16 Σεπτεμβρίου 2015

3AM ~ Midnight Rambles

I looked around
Saw the world
Learned its secrets
Regretted it
But weak
A coward
That’s what I am
Too aware of everyone else to care about me
I am selfish
Sacrificial even
I’ve been called stupid
A runner
Angry and blind
But what others fail to see is
I’m not who I used to be
I’m not angry
I’m just tired
All the things I have felt
All the things that made me who I am
Also made me tired
I can’t change that
I need to rest
For my soul in mortal
And mortals need to rest
Otherwise we’ll be consumed by gluttony of this world
Some call it cruel
But is it?
The world just… is
The world is there
We live on it
It can’t do anything
If anything,
We are the ones hurting it instead
We cruel and dense creatures
Sometimes I question our achievements
Mine too
Which is why I choose to share them with the world
Feel as if I’m doing something right
I have overcome great struggles
Personal torments and punishments
I wonder
Am I really sane?
Or are the people around me just as insane
I don’t know anymore
I’m lost
Still craving that kiss that never happened
The lips I never got to touch
Sad really
Most of the time I think I’m pathetic
But hey
I’m a psychology genius
I sigh just thinking about it
What is intelligence if not exploited?

Evangelia Glezou (vagg)

Κυριακή, 9 Αυγούστου 2015

Hazy Blissful Ice

Heart surrounded by ice
But with a lava core
Mind weak and unrestrained
But with high awareness still
Everything around me is
But a shadow and memory
Hidden deep within
Grace and intelligence shown
When one would not have thought
Wisdom and perception is all I got
I can do many things
Yet I do nothing
I was raised to obey and observe
But with a mind angry and repressed
To which extent can my apathy overrule
Can it allow me to kill
Could I really take a life
Despite me believing that I have no right
Could I really do such thing
I don’t know
And I fear it
I am stone
Surrounded by ice
With a core of burning fire
That just causes pain and fury
The disorder of my life is part of me
If can’t accept it
You can’t accept me
Stop trying to make me feel the things you do
What you think exposes me
Instead empowers me
The lie I’m telling for your sake
One day shall blow up
Hope you’re ready for that
But you won’t
A part of me just hates you
As just do with all
This poem
Is not only directed towards you though
Moving on to the next
Stop buggering me
As-far-as-you-think my friend
It really is just creeping me out instead
Leave me alone and don’t bother
Or I’ll make you stop
How I wonder
The flow has now just stop
I really am pushing it
If I go further more
And so
I’ll stop
Familiar and blissful silence

Evangelia Glezou (vagg)